Sports Tweets of the Week

This week on twitter a broadcasting heavyweight and a computer geek had an interesting exchange:

Pretty tame stuff I know, but the response to this fairly innocuous looking tweet is hilarious:

Ahh classic stuff. Right down to the "Meow".

Of course as is often the case in the twitterverse cooler heads prevailed and no one cried. Don't you just love twitter?

Random Impertinent Questions

Q- Where to from here? Rugby World Cup 2011 has been and gone. The conversation has switched from groins, anxiety, and filthy frogs to Knighthoods, Sonny Bill Williams, and Ted’s fishing plans. What’s next for the All Blacks and their fans?
A- Who cares? Seriously, who really cares? The natural order of the universe has been restored and we sit at the top branch of the tree of life. Others harbour regret and rue missed opportunities while we bask in the glow of that little replica cup sitting at the NZRU headquarters. Four more years people. I encourage you to ring a friend in Saffaland, Froggyland, Pomgolia, Wales, or the big penitentiary across the Tasman to remind them who won and lost what. Email me your phone bill and I'll pay for the phone call.

Q- Excited about the Black Caps tour of Libya?
A- Only until Jacob Oram gets injured or Jesse Ryder needs a runner and then I'll probably lose interest.

Q- What’s going on with the NBA lockout?
A- Fuck the NBA. After last year’s disappointment I can wait. I’m more than happy to spend more time talking to my wife over the summer months if it means I don't have to be reminded about that choke. Fuck the NBA and fuck LeChoke James.

Q- The 2012 NRL market has opened with the Warriors at $9, is it worth a punt?
A- A definite yes. Our young team looks good and strong, and the experience of the playoffs as well as the Grand Final disappointment will help them grow as footballers. The addition of 80 minute tackling machine and dummy half specialist Nathan Friend will free up a bench spot and provide momentum for our big boppers. Friend is very good at taking a few steps from dummy half and finding big men hitting the ball at pace on the advantage line. It’s no surprise to me that the Gold Coast Titans have floundered in his absence. I have only one concern and that’s in the centres, and with Bluey taking the helm. Time will tell.

Q- Who’s going to win the election?
A- Who cares. Either way we are poked. Refer to the answer to the question at the top of the page and forget about the folly and futility of politics.

Q- If Thierry Dusatoir is the best rugby player in the world, then what is Jerome Kaino?

Q- Kim Kardashian anyone?

The Aussies are Sooks

We lost the game 26-12 and despite a small glimmer of hope when we snuck back to 16-12 in the second half, we never really looked composed or clinical enough to threaten the Aussies. As is often the case, we fell behind early and were forced into chasing the game, errors came and the opposition capitalised on our mistakes.

Of course we are missing key personnel and we lack quality centres; the direct result being our flanks being exploited by the crafty Lockyer and his three quarters. We will get better, we always do in tournaments or series, and I think the Aussies are a little bit rattled.

What makes me think that?...

''Play hard but don't play dirty,'' Williams said. ''Jared Waerea-Hargreaves and all of those guys… that was something I don't like and I will back up my boys any time. I don't think it was suitable and we will just have to give it back to them. Hopefully we will have a chance to [play] them, I would love to 'verse' them again.''

That’s from the SMH, it’s Tony Williams, a behemoth of a man who goes by the moniker T-Rex. The first point I'd like to make is that this bloke is a fob. "Verse them," geez it’s quite clear you can transplant the coconut to Sydney but you can’t take the coconut out of the coconut.The second point is stop being a poofter. This is international football contested between the fiercest of rivals; it’s the pinnacle of the sport. Don’t let the whole Origin propaganda and marketing fool you, those guys are all mates and that rivalry fizzled out about ten years ago much to Tommy Raudonikis's lament. Not only are the players all mates but some of the best players in the sport don’t play Origin. Some of the best players in our great game watch Origin from the comfort of their own lounge suites, just like you and I. But I digress.

What T-Rex is sooking about is the "Cannonball" tackle by Isaac Luke on David Shillington which saw the latter injured, a couple of marginal late tackles, and a hit on a kicker that was nothing. Real soft stuff for an international footy player to moan about.

The "Cannonball" tackle is a new phenomenon and another great piece of Craig Bellamy handiwork. It's the most recently developed technique used to control the ball carrier and win the ‘play the ball’, whereby two defenders wrap up the ball carrier holding him upright for a third to attack the back of his knees. Like other techniques developed by the cheating Storm, the potential for injury is high. Coincidentally or not, just like the grapple and chicken wing tackle, Melbourne players and particularly their skipper Cameron Smith are the techniques experts. As is always the case, it’s hilarious when the Australians cry foul. I’m willing to bet dollars to donuts that Cam Smith was involved in similar tackles on Kiwi players in that eighty minutes of football. It’s your technique, you developed it, and now we use it too. Until it’s outlawed stop whinging.

What Tony Williams and the Aussies really don’t like is that our boys have their measure. Brad Walter from the SMH commented on Telfer’s Radiosport show about the way Jarrod Warea-Hargreaves was "belting" his opposition. Between him, Jeremy Smith, and Ben Matulino, we could invade Australia tomorrow and take all their women folk while "T-Rex", Paul Gallen, and Matt Scott watch on sheepishly. Throw in Adam Blair who returns this week and our flag will be flying in Canberra.

International league between NZ and Australia is the new Origin; it’s physical, venomous and it means something. It’s a real rivalry.

In case you forgot, we are the defending Four Nations and World Champions and the Convicts hate it. They are the ones crying.

The Hex Is Over

It’s over. Done and dusted; the demons exorcised; the King Kong sized gorilla is off the back. It was a game of two halves. Rugby was the winner at the end of the day.

Roll out all the clichés and spout them like a maniacal mantra. By my count you've got another week before it gets stale, and another week after that to argue about whether it’s now just time to shut the fuck up and get on with life, or to keep spouting. By that time, at least, the eye gouging nonsense would have died down unless of course the NZ Herald finds footage of one of the "Filthy Frogs" motorboating a penguin at Kelly Tarlton’s underwater world, or gets wind of Thierry Dusautoir’s kids killing the goldfish at a prominent Auckland restaurant.

We won and it was fantastic. The years of heartache and angst were, with eighty minutes, wiped from the nation’s collective memory. Together we breathed a sigh of relief and partied like it was 1999 (not the time at Twickers when the French dashed our World Cup dream, but the time Prince sang about, you know, "The Millenium"). We smoked weed in the streets in front of the police while the Chief of Police (not Wiggum, his name escapes me) talked to TV reporters about "sensible policing". What a night it was.

Since that time the country, or at least the part I am in, has had a Christmas feel about it. There is a degree of goodwill and cheer, and a willingness to offer a kind word to a stranger in the street which is not often experienced during the "regular season". It really does hammer home the significance and meaning of the All Blacks to our tiny nation.

 For me personally it has ended a string of disappointments that started with that try at the Garden of Eden in 1994. Phillipe St Andre’s "try from the end of the world" which stole the three match series, the last series loss for the All Blacks at home. To my superstitious punting mind, that was the start of a kind of hex which centred around the All Blacks in crunch matches and fittingly featured the mercurial French in a cameo role akin to that of Robert Louis Stevenson’s Jeckyll and Hyde. 

 In 1995 it was the "Suzie" conspiracy that hobbled an All Black machine which roared into the World Cup final in Saffaland only to fade at the finish line. There was John Hart’s experimentation in ’99, and the whinging about French foul play unbecoming of All Blacks. John Mitchell’s strange "journey" in ‘03 puzzled us all and the less said about the train wreck of Cardiff in ‘07 and Wayne Barnes, the better. With all these losses there was a massive amount of navel gazing, acrimony, and sheer nastiness which made all of us as a rugby nation look like childish sooks. Jilted lovers even, crying about what might have been, the cruel injustice of it all, and seeking a scapegoat to blame for our loss.

Thankfully because of what has happened over the last six weeks, and what Richie McCaw’s All Blacks have achieved, it’s all just a distant memory.

NZBlokes.co.nz

Check out my latest rant about Steve "It was the best week of my life" Williams over at NZBlokes.co.nz

Round 22 NRL Tips

Tigers v Dragons


A resurgent side against a fading one. The Tigers to me will emerge as a very real threat to the title race if they can maintain some momentum and keep their edge up front.

As for the Dragons, to me they look done. The players appear to have stopped buying into departing coach Wayne Bennett’s mantra, and they look tired where previously they were resilient. Punters who made long term investments in the Dragons will be very nervous.

I like the Tigers +4.5 at $1.82

Bulldogs v Cowboys

The Cowboys keep notching the wins even without their chief playmaker Jonathan Thurston. The forward pack from the tropics has really done a great job of making things easy for Matty Bowen and young Roy Thompson. Matt Scott and the beastly young Tariq Simms have been outstanding.

The Bulldogs are in turmoil after losing to the useless Chooks and they just look like a rabble.

I like the Cowboys to win at $1.80

Storm v Panthers

The Storm should be too strong in Convictoria but the short turnaround from Monday night football may make things interesting.
Follow on live betting. The Storm should get up at $1.18 but you may find some value if the Panthers start well.

Broncos v Warriors

I will cover this match in depth tomorrow.

Sharks v Titans

The Sharks should be too strong at home for the Titans, but it could be a very ugly match. My advice if you want to have a punt on it, is to keep an eye on the live betting and watch for Gallen’s injury/fitness status.

Perfect game to miss and bank some brownie points by mowing the lawn or following the lady around while she tries on shoes.

Otherwise look at the Sharks to win both halves at $1.70

Knights v Raiders

On current form and at home the Knights should be too good for the Raiders. At times we have seen the Knights’ middle third and left hand side carved by opposition sides, but I doubt the Raiders have the application or nous to do that for sustained periods of play.

Newcastle should be too good at $1.37

Manly v Roosters

The Roosters will cop the backlash from the Manly sides’ second forty capitulation to the Tigers. Des Hasler would have whipped his charges with barbed wire after last week’s effort, and you can be sure they will be amped up.

Take Manly -13.5 at $2.10. They are due a good performance.

Bunnies v Eels

The Bunnies can’t make the 8 and I expect that might bring the best out of them. No doubt at times with Sandow playing well they can put points on, but all too often they don’t start playing until games are well out of their reach.

The Eels on the other hand are an unlucky outfit with a funny looking team. The best thing for Steve Kearney will be watching his new acquisition for next season carving up his team.

Take the Bunnies at $1.60

All prices quoted are from the NZ TAB

Random Impertinent Questions

Sport is good for so many reasons

Q. Whats more annoying, the anti Rugby World Cup media beat up or the rugby sycophants who keep perpetuating the “Third biggest global sporting event” myth?


Q. Still with the World Cup, where is NZ’s version of Larissa Riquelme? I know Kerre Woodham scared the bejesus out of every redblooded kiwi male but where are the beautiful, young, footy groupies offering to strip and parade down Queen St when Richie McCaw holds the trophy aloft? (I can almost feel a sort of adult themed Piped Piper of West Auckland musical coming on).


Q. Why do Cricket fans still carry on like their sport is squeaky clean and “gentlemanly”? The fact is Cricket is the most corrupt sport in the world, and no sporting gesture from any team’s captain will change that.


Q. Marina Erakovich. Would you?


Q. Have the Warriors missed a trick with Joel Moon? Moon is off to Pomgolia to play his football after being cut loose from Auckland. Was Moon unlucky to be dropped early on in the season when the forward pack and, as a result, the whole team struggled? To me, Moon is looking very good on the left hand edge and it’s no coincidence that Manu’s form has come good since Moon has been back. Something I forgot was that Moon is only 23. A lot of potential and he is looking very capable at the present time.


Q. Did anyone else catch Mark Hinton on Tony Veitch’s backbreaking breakfast show on Monday morning?


When asked about Kirk Penney’s decision to move to Spain where his wife will play volleyball, Hinton said:


“You’d know Tony - Happy wife, Happy life”


The silence was deafening.


Q. Now that a fourth man has been arrested for his role in the NRL betting scandal, will people like Martin Devlin and John Matheson who rubbished the initial claims as rumour on their Radiolive show now broach the issue?


Q. In last week’s RL Weekly magazines annual poll Jamie Soward was named the NRL’s most overrated player. If he isn’t, who is?


Q. Is the England “Black jersey” furore the stupidest thing since the All Blacks “Grey jersey” furore of Cardiff 2007? And why do these little controversies give me visions of train wrecks and copious amounts of tomato sauce?


Q. Why are the IRB, who did fantastically well to gouge the NZ taxpayer, telling kiwi hoteliers, retailers, and restauranteurs not to engage in price gouging?... Faggots.


Q. Why are Adidas such dickheads?


Q. How stupid does Steve Williams feel now?


Seriously, if there’s only one thing you learn from listening to Snoop Dogg’s 1993 multi-platinum classic Doggystyle, it’s that Bro’s come before Ho’s. Don’t let anyone tell you Rap music has no merit. If our Stevie had listened to more of it he would have learnt a very important lesson that may have saved him his job.


That’s all for now. If you have further information or photos regarding the Larissa Riquelme question, please contact me.